All over the world, mothers are struggling to balance their work life with their motherly duties. The issue becomes more prominent when people stigmatize mothers for working instead of staying at home with their kids.
What is “Mom Guilt”?
Mom guilt is extremely pervasive amongst mothers. It can strike at any time and can show itself in any number of “mom” situations. There are enormous expectations from society, media, family, and friends about what mothers should be like and what they should do. Should a mom return to work, breastfeed, and be happy that she is a mom or not? Mom guiltsimply means that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may “mess up” your kids in the long run.
What the Internalized Guilt Can Do
The guilt and resulting feelings of shame drive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and can show up in some of the following ways –
- Depression and anxiety
- Perfectionism
- Overdoing, overscheduling, and overworking
- Addictive behaviors
- Extreme and destructive negative thoughts
Overcoming Mom Guilt
Some ways to overcome mom guilt include –
- Be curious with yourself about how you are feeling. Notice where your body feels tense and try to soften that area. Allow your vulnerable feelings of guilt, shame, and sadness to rise to the surface. Respond to yourself with loving kindness and acceptance.
- Consider what you are contributing to your family rather than what you may be missing.
- Let go of perfectionism. Take the time to take care of yourself. Eat healthily. Make sleep a priority. Exercise, meditate, and spend time with supportive friends and family.
- Instead of focusing on the thoughts associated with guilty feelings like, “I should stop working,” replace the negative thoughts with something like, “I am a better mom because I work.”
Lastly, remember that guilt is inherently tied to empathy. Feeling guilty means that you have compassion, care, and concern for those around you. Getting rid of your guilt does not mean that you are not a loving or kind mother. It means that the empathy behind the guilt will be realized. Instead of feeling stuck, the power of compassion can motivate you to connect with your work as well as find the joy in being a mom.