Toxic people can be manipulative and have the tendency to spread negativity around their surroundings. These kinds of people project their own sufferings or insecurities on to others, such as their friends or anyone in their circle. Have you ever wondered why you attract toxicity into your life? Whether it is a relationship or friendship, you always seem to find yourself getting hurt by the same repeated actions.
What are the Characteristics of a Toxic Person?
It is essential to recognize toxic behaviors in order to stop attracting toxicity into your life. Recognize the major key signs of what makes a person toxic and what sort of traits they have that affect you in order to create boundaries in order to keep yourself protected.
Signs you can identify –
- You feel like you are being manipulated.
- Confused by the actions of other people.
- You tend to feel like you deserve apologies that never come.
- You cannot be yourself around them.
- They make you feel bad about yourself around them.
Toxic people do not realize that their behavior and actions may be toxic to others. They are so blinded by their behavior and narcissistic attitude that they cannot seem to figure out what is wrong and what is right. This is a reflection of how the person grew up – it tends to go back to childhood. Their constant projection towards you is a reflection of their own insecurities that they themselves do not recognize.
Why Do We Attract Who We Attract?
Oftentimes, we attract what we think we deserve and accept it. “We are who we attract” is often misunderstood, as we do not tend to have that realization until we get treated poorly. Our behaviors and actions do not necessarily justify the type of person we are, but it can be reflected among those around us and the people we surround ourselves with. Picture this, if you are surrounded by a group filled with negativity, you will start thinking in a negative way. However, if you are surrounded by a group of positive and supportive people, your thinking pattern could change. As soon as we are born, we automatically form attachments, from our parents to those around us, in order to survive. Attachment is a surviving mechanism. Throughout the years, we tend to become more aware of these attachments.
Toxic Relationships and Object Relations Theory
Object relations theory is the way people relate to situations and others in their lives being shaped by family experiences during their childhood. Object relation is the dynamic internalized relationships between themselves and their partner, who is object in this case. However, internal “objects” are created during childhood years, as the child experiences repeated behaviors from their parents. This reflects on how the child was raised in relation to having a healthy childhood development. Unhealthy childhood development will keep the child remaining incomplete, meaning that the child will feel as though parts of their lives were missing. This oftentimes grows into becoming “childhood trauma”, whereas when the child gets older, they tend to seek a partner with similar aspects of their parents.
This explains why some seem to be attracted to the same kind of negative pattern in a relationship, whether it is friendly or romantic. This is called “corrective emotional experience”, where you gravitate towards those who are able to fill the void that you grew up with. Attracting toxic people allows you to correct the negative experiences from childhood years.