Trigger warning: this article mentions self-harm and BPD.
We live in a day and age where everything is moves at a fast pace, so much that we often do not have the time to sit and just feel. This is often the source of various negativities that arise from the inner disturbances that we, as individuals, regularly face. More so, when these inner disturbances – whether they were a result of a traumatic situation or a disorder one may have – are not addressed, and, even worse, invalidated, the various negativities intensify. The problem here is that not many are aware what emotional invalidation even entails, let alone how it looks like when one unconsciously invalidates another’s feelings. This is what this article will detail. What does it mean when your feelings are invalidated? How can you understand that what you are doing could be emotional invalidation, even if you do not mean it?
What is emotional invalidation?
To begin with, emotional invalidation is the notion of one’s feelings being dumbed down and discarded because of various reasons that could range from one feeling uncomfortable talking about feelings to someone not placing importance on what it is a person is feeling. It is an act of abuse.
Going back to when this term originated or was developed, we find that it was an element found in various cases of adult patients diagnosed with BPD who had faced this form of invalidation throughout their childhood. More so, this term is similar in its various aspects to childhood maltreatment, not in that they both have the exact same traits, but in their ability to make someone feel uncared for and unimportant. In fact, if we look at the definition of emotional invalidation, or “an emotionally invalidating environment”, it would be defined as a “childhood environment in which caregiver’s response(s) ignore, minimize, or punish a child’s inner emotional experiences.”
Where do we see emotional invalidation occurring?
Emotional invalidation is not just limited to a problematic childhood; it can happen anytime, anywhere, and even with the people closest to you. This makes it even harder to classify it as emotional invalidation – because we do not want to believe that someone that means so much could possibly be unknowingly ruining our mental state.
It could happen to someone as a kid, with inattentive parents that downplay the importance of their emotions, and display negligence when bringing up their child. Similarly, it could randomly occur when you are trying to discuss a potential issue that is causing you stress – it could be something like finding the bills you need to pay overwhelming, and the person you are discussing it with laughs it off and tells you to “stop making a big deal of it” or telling you, “it is fine. We all deal with the same thing. Get over it.” These simple remarks have relentless damaging impacts, and the normalization of them makes things all the more problematic because we have reached a situation where we are unaware of what we are unintentionally causing.
Impacts of Emotional Invalidation on Individuals
The impacts of emotional invalidation are numerous. Among them is an association of emotional invalidation with emotional inhibition as an adult – the act of deliberately suppressing your emotions. Emotional inhibition includes “ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses.” Another study showed that this emotional invalidation was associated with an increased likeability that someone begins to have self-harm tendencies. Moreover, invalidation leads to a disruption and problems in relationships, feelings that include loneliness, feeling inferior – like you are not important or good enough – worthlessness, and confusion.