Having self-deprecating thoughts is an emotional rollercoaster to many. With you being your worst critic, it becomes a tough fight to win in many cases. Self-hatred is this constant fight between two wholesome things – one that cherishes you and one that hates you, where the thing that hates you almost always wins. This is when it becomes a regular occurrence to hear the horrible thoughts and comments about yourself so much that you start to believe them. It becomes a routine – a habit that is hard to break out of.
Having your very own self – someone that knows too much about you – use your weaknesses against you makes it so difficult to push that part of yourself away, especially when they become the voice you wake up to and sleep with every night. It becomes hard to distinguish between the good things and the bad things about yourself, and you end up memorizing the bad things and forgetting the good ones because of the nagging voice inside your head that tells you things you have heard a million times before and ingrains your worthlessness inside your brain.
How to know when you are self-hating
It goes without saying how destabilizing this is and how destructive this situation within you becomes. So, how can you actually understand that what you are doing is self-deprecation? Here are a few points that help distinguish and name your problem –
- All or nothing statements – This is when you give yourself an ultimatum. An example is, “If I do not get an A in this class, this means that I am useless.”
- Only focusing on the negatives – Here is when, say, 20 good things happen, and one bad thing happens, you may completely disregard the 20 good things and blame yourself for that one bad thing that happened.
- Believing a feeling is a fact – For example, you may equate feeling bad about a small mistake you made with being a bad person.
- Low self-esteem – When you have low self-esteem, this means that you feel as though you do not feel enough around friends and family or to apply for opportunities that boost you forward. You always second-guess yourself, and this inhibits your chances of improving your life when you really want to.
What to do to get rid of self-deprecating thoughts?
Once you identify the problem, you need to learn and understand how to tackle it. Living with self-deprecation is not a life you want to live because it really inhibits your potential and your self-perception. A list of things to do in order to address your self-deprecation and hatred consist of –
- Understand where all this is coming from. Ask yourself why you feel so bad about yourself. Why do you self-deprecate? Why are you never enough? Were you triggered by something? Get to the root of this problem and be real and truthful with yourself.
- Acknowledge your negative thoughts and separate these thoughts from who you are as a person. Be aware of that critic within you and point it out. Then, challenge them. Question why you grimace when you look in a mirror. Question your critique. Ask yourself why you are saying this negative thing about yourself and refute it.
- Instead of all these incessant negative thoughts that take a toll on you, try strengthening your ability to talk in a positive way and think in a positive way about yourself.
- Reframe your negative self-talk. In other words, rather than stating a factual negative thing like, “I am so bad at doing X”, you can say, “I feel like my X today was not as good as I hoped.” In this way, rather than putting yourself down, you would be encouraging yourself to push harder in a more productive and nicer way.
- Community and good people – Spending time with a nice community and good people that make your day is always a good idea. You can feel valued in this way rather than staying along and letting your negative thoughts take over.
- Self-Compassion – Self-compassion is the idea of accepting your faults, mistakes, and self-deprecating thoughts and equating them with being human. It is the act of forgiving yourself for hurting yourself.
- Ask for help – Remember that you are not alone. When you feel as though you cannot handle your self-deprecating and hating thoughts, reach out to someone. Book an appointment with a therapist. Call up a friend. Do anything that helps you release this pent-up negativity.