Trigger warning: the contents of this article may be triggering for some
Being placed in a toxic situation, where one is left reeling from the aftershocks of an emotionally terrorizing relationship, can have devastating consequences. This is what abusive gas lighters do: they play with one’s emotions and manipulate them so sadistically that the victims are left to question their sense of self and their reality.
What is Gas Lighting?
Gas lighting is a form of prolonged psychological abuse where playing on one’s emotions is its main driver. It can take place in any context where control and power work conjointly and play a driving force, shaping the context at hand. We see gas lighting occur in intimate relationships, in the sponsorship system, and even in workplaces to name a few. This phenomenon really is ever-present, and this is alarming in itself.
Gas lighting is both a psychological and social phenomenon. It is psychological in that it involves the use of emotions and manipulation and social in that it works quite effectively in situations where social and structural inequalities are present. Thus, when the gas lighter uses gender-based inequalities and institutionalized weaknesses to their advantage to put down victims, it turns social, too.
It is interesting to note that the origins of the term “gas lighting” came from the film Gas Light (1944), which tells the story of Paula and Gregory, a seemingly happy couple. The film’s plotline revolves around Gregory emotionally manipulating Paula into questioning herself. Gregory’s use of mechanisms varied, where one consisted of accusing her of stealing and publicly humiliating her because of it by searching her purse and finding the missing item, proving that she is indeed a stealer in front of her friends (when in reality he was the one who planted the stolen material in her bag).
Numerous examples of gas lighting could include, “stop being paranoid,” “you are crazy, this did not happen,” “you are overreacting,” “you are imagining things,” and many more examples of this kind. We can see some sort of pattern being established through the use of such phrases, that of invalidating the victim’s opinions and thoughts and making him/her out to be unstable, when clearly the perpetrator is the problem in this dynamic.
Where do we see gas lighting occurring?
Gas lighting is pretty prominent and plays a large role in intimate relationships, where its nature is abusive. Power differences is a primary indicator of the likelihood of gas lighting. Placing gas lighting in the MENA region, we see it occurring in domestic settings, where migrant domestic workers bear the brunt of this emotional manipulation due to inherent racism and an imbalance of power. The sponsorship system in Lebanon and GCC countries is one of the main racist systems under which gas lighting can most definitely take place. In fact, Mtallat Baladi Assil, a film made by Lebanese NGO ALEF (Act for Human Rights), details the hardships and oppressive measures migrant domestic workers are subjected to and shows many instances of gas lighting being used on migrant domestic workers. Of the many examples, one scene shows that, when a domestic worker wanted to complain about her employers at the sponsorship company, the employee in charge of these complaint files begins playing with her mind, convincing her that she is wrong for filing a complaint and saying things like, “you really think that you are right?” These incessant remarks really toy with the person receiving them so much that they start to question themselves, which works in the favor of the perpetrator.
Signs of Gas Lighting
There are numerous signs that pose as warnings and indicate the possibility of being gas lighted:
- You tend to no longer feel like yourself
- An increase in anxiety and a decrease in confidence
- Second-guessing yourself, your decisions and attitudes, blaming yourself, and feeling guilty
- Believing that everything you do is not right
- Apologizing a lot
- Feeling wrong but not knowing where this feeling is stemming from
- Avoiding talking about your partner in order to avoid confrontation
- Isolation, no longer enjoying what you used to, and feelings of hopelessness
- Difficulty in making decisions
Gas lighting is not always intentional
It is important to keep in mind that gas lighting is not always intentional or spiteful. The gas lighter could be someone you value but do not want to upset and that displays more power than you. Moreover, even the gas lighter may not be aware that they are gas lighting. The gas lighter could be anyone that has certain unchangeable views that they are enforcing on their friends/partners, thereby invalidating views different from theirs. Remarks that are snippy and righteous, which you may at first disregard, should not be underestimated. The reason for this is because, if these remarks are iterated again and again, they begin to stick, and this is when things become problematic.
On a final note, please be aware that this form of abuse is detrimental because it is oftentimes indistinguishable. So, if you find yourself suffering from certain signs, or are second-guessing the nature of the relationships you have, whether intimate or otherwise, do not hesitate to do something about it.