The various types of relationships that we are exposed to as kids have a strong impact on the types of relationships we gravitate towards as we grow older. Things become problematic when the types of relationships we are exposed to are insecure and unstable. At a very young age, what we witness may very well be the thing that we learn and that we unconsciously search for, whether it is a bad thing or a good one. Anxious attachment is one of the many attachments that people develop as a result of past exposures, as will be discussed in the article. The various characteristics of a person with anxious attachment will be addressed in order to develop a further understanding of how a person behaves and why.
Anxious Attachment
As a start, anxious attachment stems from the umbrella of the attachment theory, which is a theory introduced in order to explain the dynamics of the relationship between children and adults and how they both connect on an emotional level. This theory brings to light the fact that an attachment is introduced during the early years of a child, and it depends on the type of relationship this child has with their parent or caregiver and whether their needs are met in this relationship.
This attachment type that you form will influence various aspects of your life, including the way you communicate how you feel to your friends and family, how you respond to a problem you face, and your expectations regarding relationships. Anxious attachment is one of the many attachment types, and it is referred to as “anxious ambivalent attachment”. When you are exposed to parenting that is inconsistent, then you are likely to form this attachment. In other words, when your parents are supportive and loving one day then completely cold and dismissive the next, this is understood as inconsistent parenting. This sort of instability makes one confused about what signals their parents are sending. Hence, they stop knowing how to respond considering that they do not know what to expect.
A different factor that is related to anxious attachment is the emotional hunger of caregivers. In other words, caregivers will form bonds with children for their own needs and not those of the child. These types of parents could be overprotective or intrusive. They could basically be using the child to showcase their own perfectionism and “good will” with the “good” way that they treat their child.
Characteristics of Anxious Attachment
An adult that has an anxious attachment develops various characteristics that include low self-esteem, an intense fear of being left or rejected, and even clinginess in a relationship. The adult develops this need to feel wanted and loved and becomes so afraid of losing it. In fact, this fear may very well be something that controls the way a person behaves in relationships.
Individuals with anxious attachment often take extra care of the needs of their partner and the relationship, but they do not know their worth in the relationship. If they face rejection, they often result in self-blame, when, chances are, there is more to the story. These individuals need to be constantly reassured that they are loved, worthy, and good enough.
Individuals who are afraid of being abandoned could be extremely suspicious or jealous – their anxious thoughts reshape their reality, and this alters their behavior and beliefs, potentially placing the relationship they are in in danger.
Clingy individuals are likely to be people who are unable, whatsoever, to stay alone. They may seem desperate but, in reality, they do not have the self-love, acceptance, self-esteem, or independence to fully stay alone.
Individuals with anxious attachments should seek help to try and understand where this has come from and to gain the self-worth and love that they have lost.