“Co-dependency” is a term used to refer to a dysfunctional relationship in which the individuals involved are unable to live independently and their identity and happiness is defined by the other. One person plays a more passive role while the other will be the “caretaker”. It can also be referred to as a type of addiction and is most commonly present in people who have previously dealt with substance abuse.
The term “co-dependency” is often thrown around without consideration and used to describe clingy and needy partners, but the reality of the situation is far more extreme than this and can lead to a lot of harm for both partners involved. A person in a co-dependent relationship risks being manipulated and taken advantage of sexually, financially, and emotionally.
While having co-dependent personality traits is not considered a diagnosable medical condition, there are still ways to identify the signs and work towards trying to get away from it –
- A constant need for validation and approval
A dependent person in this type of unhealthy relationship will find themselves constantly seeking validation and approval from their partner on situations not just physically, but also in their job and outside relationships. They are incapable of appreciating themselves unless their partner gives them their approval first.
- Overly apologising and taking the blame
People-pleasing is also a common trait in co-dependent personalities, so an individual in this situation will find themselves taking the blame constantly for when things go wrong and overly apologising just to make sure that their partner is satisfied and happy all the time.
- Incapability of making decisions
The individual in a co-dependent relationship that plays the role of the “caregiver” will often be the one to make all the decisions for the relationship and on behalf of their partner. This can apply to either big life-changing decisions or just micro decisions like what outfit they will wear for the day, what meal they will have, etc.
- Avoiding conflict and confrontations
Similar to always taking the blame and apologizing, both partners in a co-dependent relationship usually lack proper communication skills with one another and will avoid confrontations as much as possible. This can make it harder to come to terms with whether the person is in an unhealthy relationship or not since they are avoiding the conversation about it to begin with.
- Fear of rejection and abandonment
As the term itself indicates, co-dependent personalities are very dependent on their partners and that can be as a result of abandonment issues and a fear of rejection from their partner. The feeling can be so intense that the individual would feel like their entire life will end if their partner leaves them and that they will never be able to continue living on their own.
What can you do if you or someone you know is displaying these signs?
If you are in a co-dependent relationship or know someone you love that is experiencing it, a first step to remove yourself from the situation is to try and set boundaries in the relationship and spend time alone.
It is also recommended to try speaking to a professional to gain advice and work through what may be leading to forming these unhealthy relationships and how to avoid them in the future.