Undeniably, a majority of people strongly believe in the power of positivity. Although there is so much good that comes out of having a sunny disposition in life, it is also possible to overdose on that sweetness of platitudes such as “everything is amazing!” There is a very dark side to this “positive vibes” trend, and its overuse tends to cause more harm than good.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is defined as the “excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.” The entire process of toxic positivity usually results in the rejection, minimization, and nullification of the authentic human emotional experience that we all must go through. As with everything that is done in excess, when positivity is overused in situations where it is not needed, it covers up and silences the completely ordinary human experience, therefore making it toxic. We all fall into states of denial and repressed emotions when we disallow the existence of certain feelings, such as anger, hurt, and jealousy. We all get jealous. We all get angry and resentful. We all get greedy sometimes, and that is more than typical for humans. By pretending that we are only allowing “positive vibes” all day, we are denying the legitimacy of those genuine human emotions that we must experience and go through. Also, with data indicating that anxiety and depression, amongst many other mental health issues, have surged to historic levels in recent months, adding toxic positivity to the mix may only aggravate the rising tide of negative emotions by inhibiting people from working through their serious issues that they are undergoing in a healthy way.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
These are a few common expressions and experiences of toxic positivity that will assist you in recognizing how it may show up In your everyday life:
- Feeling the need to hide and mask the true emotions you are feeling.
- Dismissing your emotions so you can “get on with your life.”
- Feeling guilty for what you are feeling.
- Minimizing a person’s experiences with “feel-good” quotes or preaching.
- Giving someone perspective by saying things such as “it could have been worse”, instead of validating a person’s emotional experience.
- Brushing off things that are truly bothering you by saying things such as “it is what it is.”
- Shaming a person for expressing their frustration or any feeling other than positivity.
- Downplaying your pain and equating your negative feeling to being ungrateful.
The Detrimental Consequences of Toxic Positivity
Several psychological studies have proven that denying or hiding our feelings leads to an increased amount of stress on a person’s body. So, when a person is constantly forced to have a positive outlook on pain, they feel the need to stay silent about their struggles, thus creating a fake persona for the world. When people hide their emotions like that, they deny their truth. Suppressed emotions later manifest in depression, anxiety, or physical illnesses. In denying your truth, you begin to live an inauthentic life with others and with yourself. You begin to lose connection with your Inner self, making it challenging for others to connect and relate to you. Although you look positively unbreakable on the outside, you are crying out for help on the inside. Your relationship with yourself is often reflected in the relationship you have with others. If you cannot be honest about your own feelings, how will you ever be able to hold space for someone else who is expressing their real feelings in your presence? By curating a fake emotional world, a person is bound to only attract more fakeness which results in counterfeit intimacy and shallow, artificial friendships.
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity
- Avoid Ignoring your emotions. Acknowledge all your feelings, whether good or bad. A brain imaging study at UCLA has proven that putting your feelings into words reduces the intensity of emotions such as grief, irritation, and pain.
- Listen to and validate how others feel. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, even when they cope with them way differently than you would.
- Always remember that it is okay to not be okay. Life is full of ups and downs, so allow yourself to feel those negative emotions.
- Recognize toxic positivity messages. If someone makes you feel that positivity is the only way to go, give yourself permission to dismiss that thought because it only dismisses how you are feeling.
- It is okay to be cautious of social media. People only present the best version of themselves on social media and sometimes promote toxic positivity. It is important to recognize that you are not alone with your worries and struggles, and you should not let false expectations on social media change that reality.
It is important to set healthy boundaries with anyone whom you feel passes judgement on your authentic human experience. Allow yourself to feel all the negative emotions in order to properly experience your positive ones.