Being in a romantic relationship is a norm. It has been a norm for quite some time, actually. It is a thing that is so badly wanted by many people, to the point where it becomes an issue if they do not have it. We have been socially conditioned to prefer romantic relationships over being single, and this socialization has made us forget that being single does not mean being lonely. You can be single and have a large family that showcases you love. You can be single and have so many healthy friendly relations with people that value you and know your worth. You can be single and still be happy.
“Singlism”
The notion of “singlism” is a pretty big thing worldwide. It is known as discrimination against single people and happens so regularly that people do not pay attention to it. The simple remark of “she is cranky because she is not dating” is a very problematic statement that normalizes the fact that women need to be in a relationship in order to be “not cranky”. Singlism targets everyone – not just women – and any choice against getting married is frowned upon.
In the Middle East, many individuals, and even I personally, have witnessed a family member prying into the personal life of a single person, asking them when they are going to get married. Men and women alike – with more pressure on women – are ostracized, and even belittled, when they just do not feel like getting into a relationship right now, or even ever for that matter. What is factored out is something that is just as important: asking them if they are having healthy friendships. While prying into someone’s private life is in its essence not a great idea, asking about how a friend is doing or if they are happy with their job is a way better conversation starter rather than the stress-inducing question of “when are you thinking of getting married?”.
Additionally, the most used excuse used about why everyone wants single people to be in a relationship or get married is the “child” card. You need to get married in order to procreate, have a family, and live a normal life. Otherwise, you are the odd one out. Here, we also see a reason deemed justifiable to have friends and family pry into one’s life. However, this reason is not enough to justify what we see taking place. There are so many alternatives being introduced nowadays relating to childbirth and relationships, and to each his own. Single people have the choice of not getting married and not having children and should not be looked down upon because of it.
The Mental Health Impact
This normalization not only makes it extremely awkward for single individuals to go about their everyday lives in front of nosy family members, but it also completely factors out asexual individuals and aromantic individuals. It is pretty much assumes that everyone has a romantic and sexual desire, but that is not the case with asexual and aromantic individuals. These individuals are people who do not possess romantic or sexual desires. The issue here is that not only are they factored out of the “norm”, but their ability to express themselves is inhibited. This inhibition is quite frankly detrimental to mental health. Moreover, the assumption that your identity is related to your desires is wrong, and the fact that it is still a common assumption makes things all the more problematic.
Singlism leads to shame and distress by many. When you reach 30 and are not married yet, it becomes a problem. Additionally, individuals experiencing singlism may also have increased stress, psychological problems like depression and a low self-esteem, and the way they behave may be severely impacted. Whether someone is single because they have no sexual or romantic desire or just because they simply do not want to get married and have kids, bashing someone due to their single lifestyle is not the way to go. This entire perception is essentially wrong and must be changed.