Romantic relationships come with hardships – some more than others. It is important not only to understand the struggles of committing yourself to another person, but also to understand who they are and how to cope with particular struggles that the individual may have faced or may be facing. Many people with mental health conditions may feel inadequate and have performance anxiety and low self-esteem. For both partners, this can lead to a decreased opportunity for bonding and result in unmet needs, the risk of codependent behaviors, unhealthy communication, and more risk factors that may lead to the relationship losing its stability as a whole.
With this in mind, many may decide that they would rather be alone, which, of course, is completely fine. Although, the truth is, having a mental illness does not make you undateable. Nonetheless, it is important to understand what a particular mental illness may entail while romantically involving yourself with an individual struggling, how to deal with the mental illness in question, and things to remember if you are struggling with mental illness in a relationship.
Mental Illness in Relationships
It is unlikely that one may struggle with their mental health in a stable and healthy relationship. According to the Mental Health Foundation, “relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, or their community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer, with fewer mental health problems than people who are less well connected.”
This is not to say that you cannot struggle with your mental health within a stable relationship, although this may be caused due to factors such as low personal self-esteem, hereditary mental illnesses, or past traumas. Regardless, it is important for your partner to understand these hardships and how to deal with them through their commitment to you.
How to Deal with Mental Illness in a Relationship
Psychology Today says, “having a partner affected by a mental health condition can be navigated in a relationship if both partners have the skills and awareness to cope and communicate through these challenges.” This can be done in different ways. According to April Eldemire, a psychotherapist that specializes in marriage and couple issues, these helpful tips for partners can go a long way when dealing with mental illness in a relationship.
- Educate Yourself
Learn about the condition together. This helps you gain a better understanding of it and clues you in to how the symptoms manifest in your marriage or partnership.
- Practice Your Communication Skills
Speak openly and honestly about your feelings, needs, and concerns. Use “active listening” skills like seeking understanding, asking clarifying questions, and using engaged body language like eye contact, a gentle touch, and interest.
- Commit to Excellent Self-Care
By taking good care of your physical and mental health, you would be better equipped to support each other and your family. Beneficial acts of self-care include regular exercise, healthy eating, a consistent sleep schedule, journaling, and doing hobbies and activities that you enjoy.
- Seek Professional Help
Use whatever resources are relevant to you and within your means. Both couples counseling and individual counseling may be appropriate.
- Have Realistic Expectations
You cannot demand that someone change who they are nor can you expect them to meet all your needs at all times – this is true for all relationships. Equally, you should not have to violate your boundaries in order to maintain the relationship. Find a way to compromise and grow so both of you feel safe and supported.
Things to Remember
There is a spectrum when considering a struggle with mental health due to a romantic relationship. Based on the severity of these struggles, one may consider these three things.
- Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them. Personal boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring.
- Seek Professional Help
Once again, use whatever resources are relevant to you and within your means. Both couples counseling and individual counseling may be appropriate.
- Walk Away
Not all relationships are stable and if you feel as though the relationship is not serving you, you are allowed to walk away from it. By staying in an unstable relationship, both your habits as well as those of your partner may become unhealthy and result in toxicity, emotional abuse, and, in some cases, physical abuse.
Regardless of the severity, each and every struggle is equally as important and should be dealt with accordingly. Always remember to put yourself first.