Trigger warning: this article discusses depression as a clinical disorder.
During all stages of life, depression is a grave yet treatable disorder that affects millions of people. Depression gets in the way of everyday life, causing a colossal amount of pain that not only affects those suffering, but may also affect everyone around them. Often forgotten are the close and loved ones of those who live with depression, and no one ever tells them how to cope.
Depression & its Symptoms
Feeling down from time to time is an extremely normal part of life. However, when those negative emotions take a hold of you very deeply, it may be a sign of depression. Depression impacts the whole life of a person. It changes the way they think, feel, and function in their daily life. It interferes with their ability to study or work, to eat or sleep, and to just simply enjoy life. For people with depression, getting through the day may be the most difficult and overwhelming task they have to do. Although depression varies from person to person, there are some mutual signs and symptoms. It is vital to note that some of these symptoms may just be a typical part of the lows of life. Yet, the stronger the symptoms are and the longer they last, the more likely it is that you are dealing with depression. Some common symptoms are feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, a loss of interest in daily activities, changes in appetite or weight, sleep changes such as insomnia or oversleeping, feelings of rage or irritability, a loss of energy where even small tasks are arduous and physically draining, engaging in reckless behavior such as substance abuse or reckless driving, and having trouble with focusing and remembering things.
Understanding Depression in a Person
Understanding how depression will affect your loved one and how it will affect you are equally as important as understanding depression and its symptoms. It is important to understand that depression is never a choice because, if it were, this disorder would not even exist. Understand that it is more than okay for you to experience feelings of frustration, anger, and hopelessness. It is not easy to love someone with depression, but always remember that you are fighting the disorder, not the person you love. Understand that depression is a withdrawal, but not from you. Those who suffer from depression withdraw into themselves to get away from the agony and hopelessness of it all. Always remember that the person you know and love is still there. Understand that the symptoms of depression are not personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to deeply connect with others, even their loved ones. Sometimes, they might even lash out and say hurtful things, so remember that, in such a case, it is the depression talking and not them. Lastly, understand that you cannot “fix” depression. As much as you would want to, you cannot fix the problem for them, but you can always offer your love and support.
How to Love
Loving someone with depression will never be smooth sailing. There will be a lot of obstacles and setbacks, but your effort matters greatly. Because depression has a dominating and convincing voice that controls the minds of those who suffer from it, it leaves little room for reason, which makes it tough for loved ones to know how to be helpful. Instead of fighting depression and all the negative thoughts it creates in the mind of your loved one, devote yourself to learning how to live with it. This means accepting your loved one as they are. It means tolerating them having negative and painful beliefs about themselves, even when all you want to do is show them how differently you view them. Do not try to treat their depression, but rather just offer your empathy and support. This will more likely foster a closer connection because you are no longer trying to change their mind. Saying things such as “it will get better”, “you just need to get out of the house”, or “you will be fine” is not always optimal. These kinds of phrases may very much come out as empty, meaningless, or sometimes even insulting. You can say things such as “I am here for you”, “I believe in you, and I believe that you will get through this”, and “what do you think I can do to help you?” instead. Avoid offering advice and instead just let them know that you are there for them.
Depression rarely takes a hold of only one person. When it settles into someone, depression bleeds through the walls it built around that person and into the lives of those who love them. The way through depression is a mighty fight and sometimes you may not know what to do, and that is okay. Your love and support will help put back depression strips away from your loved one.