Self-acceptance means to unconditionally accept oneself irrespective of all flaws they may have, or think they have. Self-acceptance is to make peace with oneself and is an empowering experience. However, as amazing as its benefits are, self-acceptance is such a hard thing to do sometimes. It takes time to reach such an unconditional and blissful state, and the journey there is not easy. Nonetheless, it is so worth it.
What Do We Mean by Self-Acceptance?
Self-acceptance, defined by a blog published in Harvard Health Publishing, is “acceptance of all attributes, positive or negative.” Self-acceptance includes your ultimate belief in your capabilities, protecting yourself from criticisms or backstabbers that you come across along the way, and even accepting your physical appearance – flaws and all.
Societal standards, family life, and various other experiences play a role in shaping the way we perceive ourselves. Chances are that many individuals with low self-acceptance have had a tough family life, harsh critiques, or certain experiences that have hurt them and impacted how “unconditional” this acceptance may be.
What is even more alarming is that many of us are so convinced that we have achieved self-acceptance unconditionally – even though we point out so many flaws that we want to get rid of and fix – that we end up fooling ourselves into thinking that conditional self-acceptance is unconditional. In reality, they are polar opposites. It is impossible for us to have achieved the ultimate self-acceptance when we are setting standards for ourselves to fit in to. It is impossible for us to have achieved the ultimate self-acceptance when we are setting a goal to reach, otherwise we are not good or worthy enough. It is illogical for us to have achieved the ultimate self-acceptance when we are struggling to accept certain physical features, and when we are so obsessed with social comparison that we set our worth to what we see around us.
Self-Acceptance & Mindfulness
Self-acceptance is an essential attribute to a good mental health state. Many tend to self-evaluate themselves rather than self-accept, and this has to change. It is not a healthy mindset to have, because an individual having a self-evaluation mindset tends to focus on external validation, which could come in the form of a promotion, validation from friends and family, and the like. They may come across as needy based on their actions because of their low self-acceptance. Hence, the solution is to adopt a different mindset and learn self-acceptance. Thus, an individual adopting a self-acceptance mindset “adopts a mindfulness attitude rather than a mindlessness one.”
Gaining a mindful attitude means several things. It is a cognitive state of being where one learns to understand things from multiple perspectives and where they are able to change their perspectives based on the context that they are situated in. In opposition, a mindless attitude is a rigid perspective, where people are, in a sense, stuck in a one-size-fits-all understanding. Having this attitude makes it almost impossible to see oneself in a different light. It makes it difficult for an individual to be able to see the bigger picture and accept all of themselves. Let us say that they make a mistake accidentally. If they are not in a state of self-acceptance, they are likely to result in self-blame, and the ultimate label of oneself as unworthy. However, upon the adoption of the mindful attitude of self-acceptance, they will come to understand this mistake as a learning experience, and one that does not define their sense of being. They would adopt a contextual understanding and would come to see things in various perspectives, not limited to their own.
A perfect quote to wrap up this idea in a clear way is this, “the essence of mindfulness theory, then, is that a flexible and open mindset in which one remains actively engaged in the process of drawing novel distinctions about the environment is more beneficial than a mindset in which one is judgmental and rigid, sacrificing flexibility for a sense of certainty. The state of mindfulness, by definition, encompasses a state of self-acceptance as the focus of mindful attention is on acceptance of and exploration of present experience rather than on self-evaluation and self-criticism.”