On the 19th of October, the Student Council of the American University of Sharjah held their very own awareness session on mental health! Titled It’s Time to Talk, this session intended to take a first step towards breaking the stigma surrounding mental health, addressing and clarifying essential points such as what constitutes mental health, how to be able to speak about what you are gong through, how to listen to others opening up to you, and of course, how to break the stigma.
Of the very rare events on this topic that occur, the AUS Student Council presented us with a very inspirational and thought inducing one. The speakers of the session included Chasity O’Connell, a psychology professor at AUS and licensed clinician, and Husam Abdelkhalek, a licensed counselor at AUS.
Professor O’Connell
Beginning with Professor O’Connell’s presentation, one thought inducing question was shared: If you were struggling with your mental health, whom would you talk to?
Silence was heard for a split second before answers began pouring through, and, ironically enough, this silence is what spoke the loudest volumes. This question pointed us to the hard truth; that is, oftentimes, many of us do not talk to anyone, nor acknowledge our feelings in the first place. And the reason for this? The fear of judgment and stigma, especially in the MENA region. This question was more of a wakeup call than anything, showing us how deep-seated this fear really is.
Professor O’Connell stated, “for some people, it is so much easier to suffer in silence, although there is a number of negative mental health implications for doing so, and what is so ironic about this is the paradoxical reality that mental health problems are common.”
O’Connell sums up the entire situation perfectly in just a few words. She then proceeds to bring up another essential issue that resonates: the fact that there is a misconception that mental health disorders are about “strength, weakness, and willpower.” In other words, people tend to relate having a mental health disorder with being weak, and not having it with being strong, when being weak or strong has got nothing to do with it. Rather, as O’Connell continues on, it is about tackling something that is very real and very common. You are not weak if you suffer from a disorder. On the contrary, the fact that you are striving to tackle it makes it real and valid.
Mental Health Definition
The webinar session then turned to the definition of mental health, where Professor O’Connell not only defined mental health, but also pointed out a clear difference between what constitutes good/bad mental health and a psychological disorder. Yes, the two may be interrelated, but they are not the same.
To begin with, O’Connell defines mental health as this understanding of what well-being is all about, and about helping our community and others. Mental health contains a large range of factors and is also clearly associated with things like psychological disorders, child abuse and neglect, sexual violence, racism, and even physical health. Your mental health can be severely negatively impacted if you suffer from one of these points.
Also, it is important to note that having a psychological disorder does not automatically place you in the severely struggling label, just as not being diagnosed does not automatically place you in the perfectly healthy label. Things are not this cut and dry. Professor O’Connell brings about a very important point related to this notion: the misrepresentative media portrayals that make things cut and dry. The reality of the situation, however, is that there are many different treatments and support available that make a person struggling with psychological disorders cope well and enjoy their life.
Barriers to Discussing Mental Health Problems
A number of barriers were discussed when thinking of what was stopping us from speaking out about our mental health or disorders. One of the main points is shame. Placing this in the context of our region, we are often ashamed of how others may react to us, how our family members may not be as accepting of what we are going through, or of being misunderstood. Additionally, we may be afraid of this information being used against us. It is also really hard to know what exactly you want to say or how to start talking.
According to Professor O’Connell, shame manifests and grows in three things: keeping things secretive, silence, and judgment. However, when we talk about what we are going through or we receive what others are sharing with us, Professor O’Connell points out that we place light on shame, and it stops having so much power over us because of this connection that we form.
Building Safe Spaces and Learning How to Listen
So, how do we listen? How do we build safe spaces? Though we might think it is easy to just listen, it is important to note the minor details that affect this safe space that we are trying to create. A few important pointers listed by Professor O’Connell include:
First, we should just listen. Turn off your phones when necessary. Show them your focus is solely on them. Respond ONLY after they finish speaking – do not cut them off!
Second, validate their experiences. You must let them know that what they are feeling is valid and not wrong. We empathize and show them that we understand what they are going through.
Third, notice your own internal reaction, and resist the urge to fix problems or give advice because you may unknowingly invalidate someone else’s feelings by doing this. It is important to know that, sometimes, our internal reaction may cause us to not be a safe space. Sometimes, we may feel anxious when someone is sharing something, and this may prompt us to want to shorten the conversation because we cannot handle what he or she is going to tell us/is telling us. So, we end up using a phrase like “oh, well do not worry, things will be better,” and this of course is not a good idea because it may cause an invalidation of feelings.
Fourth, no judgments. Do not blame them! Even when you find yourself not agreeing with what they are telling you, do not voice your opinion on the matter. This is about them talking and you listening, nothing else.
Fifth, take them seriously and avoid minimizing their problems. Do not say things like “we all go through this” because it sends the wrong message, and it makes them feel invalidated, when you may not mean to invalidate their feelings.
Sixth, make yourself available to speak again, but with boundaries if needed. Listening to someone could make you feel responsible for that person, but it is okay to say “I am here for you but during certain times.” Through this point, you would not only be building a boundary, but you would also show them that you would be there for them in the right way, which means that you may not be there for them 24/7, and that is okay. If anything, being transparent with them increases this trust.
Finally, hold on to their trust – no gossiping. Speak with certain reputable entities if you have some questions regarding your friend’s situation, and if need be, consult an adult – mainly when there is a possibility of danger.
Sharing our Experiences
It is important to note that sharing our experiences is exceptionally healing, but as Professor O’Connell states, we need to make sure we know who to tell our experiences to because it is a privilege to listen to them. So, who earns this right to know our story?
An important distinction to make use of is vulnerability and over-sharing. When you are openly vulnerable to someone who deserves this privilege versus when you are sharing a piece of you with someone who does not deserve it. Hence, we need to choose wisely.
How do we talk about our experiences? A couple of pointers outlined by Professor O’Connell are as follows:
First, self-awareness and self-knowledge are crucial. We sometimes become so busy that we are not checked in with who we are or what we are feeling. So, it is hard to put our thoughts down and understand them. This is why it is important to ask ourselves what it is we are feeling.
Second, self-validation is also essential. We are not self-validating when we talk ourselves out of what we are feeling. We are self-validating when we accept what we are feeling.
Third, write down what you want to say. Plan it out. This can help you know what you want to share and how much you want to share.
Fourth, you can speak in front of a mirror, just to see what it is like putting your experience to words (part of the self-validation process).
Fifth, choose the people you think have the right to listen to you and see you exposed. Also, think of the possible reactions you might expect. Do not forget to ask if it is a good time to talk. You can start texting, if face-to-face communication is too intimidating.
There can be a range of outcomes to this, so it is also okay to feel weird about it. Also, it is important to note that this conversation is only the first step; it does not necessarily fix what is happening. It will engage you with people in your life that can support you, and this is extremely essential for your well-being.
Professor O’Connell brings about a final key point: the fact that hope sprouts from this. Knowing that you are not alone can bring you hope.
Stigma
Mr. Husam Abdelkhaleq, in his presentation, in addition to addressing very similar things to Professor O’Connell, brought about an important factor to the issue of mental health: stigma.
Mr. Abdelkhalek defined stigma as a representation of the public’s largely negative perceptions about a person with mental illness. In other words, individuals suffering from certain mental illnesses are factored out of our society and perceived negatively and differently. According to AbdelKhaleq, stigma is a negative stereotype, and discrimination is actually what occurs as a result of this negative stigma.
Common misperceptions that often label individuals suffering from mental illnesses consist of them being seen as violent and dangerous. This misperception, in fact, causes many delays in the recovery process, and in the laws to protect individuals suffering from mental health issues. These issues, of course, become twice as harder in the MENA region, where mental health issues are stigmatized tenfold.
Finally, AbdelKhaleq touched on a very important point: education. It is our job to educate and spread awareness about mental health in order to try and decrease the stigma surrounding it. We need to hold campaigns, contact others, and spread the word on mental health in any way possible. We also need to get rid of this self-stigma that is imposed upon us by society due to the discrimination faced as a result of the stigma. So, we also need to work on seeking treatment for this and being active in the face of figures blocking the access to education on subjects surrounding mental health.