Cutting ties with a toxic family member is one of the hardest forms of ending a relationship. Family is blood, and it is said that nothing is thicker than blood. However, when certain family members cause you nothing but pain, anxiety, and stress, then it is your right to discontinue your relationship with them. Most of the time, we find it really difficult to cut off ties with a family member due to our blood relation, making us repeatedly repair our relationship with them. Unfortunately, we are often left disappointed because nothing seems to change, and for that, cutting them off becomes the only solution.
How Can We Identify Toxic Family Members?
- They lie, blame, criticize, and manipulate or gaslight you all the time.
- They overreact over the smallest inconveniences.
- They invalidate your feelings.
- They purposely create problems and then play the victim.
- They engage in passive-aggressive behavior, like giving you the silent treatment.
- They do not compromise or sacrifice yet expect you to do so.
- They yell or curse at you and even call you names.
- They belittle or disrespect your values, beliefs, and choices.
- They speak ill of you behind your back.
- They are unreasonably demanding.
- They are always the ones ruining holidays and special occasions.
- They do not take responsibility for their own behavior.
- They refuse to apologize and always claim that they are right.
- Interacting with them makes you feel horrible, so you always try to avoid them.
Unfortunately, toxic people rarely ever change because, most of the time, they lack self-awareness. For that, we always find ourselves trying to get our relationship with them on track, yet it almost never works out and their behavior towards us does not change to the better.
Why We Struggle to Cut Off Toxic Family Members
- We refuse to acknowledge their behavior as emotional abuse.
- In certain cultures, family loyalty is a virtue that must not ever be broken, and thus, cutting ties with family is deemed impossible.
- We often feel guilty about cutting a family member off, because we are taught from a very young age that parents and other family members must be respected no matter what and that we must get along with our siblings and cousins no matter what.
- We also often fear ending dysfunctional relationships because we are afraid of not knowing how to cope without these people in our lives despite them harming us.
- Lastly, because certain toxic family members can be someone as “close” as your mom, you may feel like cutting them off is impossible, especially if you have love for them. However, it is important to know that it is okay to love and miss someone without reaching out to them to protect your own well-being.
Some of the best tips to cut off toxic family members is to acknowledge that they are dismantling your peace and are emotionally abusing you. They will most likely never change. Grieving their loss is normal yet keep in touch with the fact that cutting them off has become vital. Rely on other supportive family members, friends, or your significant other during such times. On the other hand, it is okay to not yet be ready to cut such toxic people off. If completely cutting them off does not sound like a solution to you, you could maybe resort to setting boundaries and simply forming a formal relationship with them.
As a conclusion, remember that no one has the right to harm you, disrespect you, or disrupt your peace of mind. For that, ending some relationships will improve your mental health and your overall social life. Even if such relationships are with a family member, it is important to be reminded that blood is not an exception and that if they are hurting you in any way, cutting them off is a rightful decision.