The way that parents and guardians choose to discipline and raise their children shapes how these children grow to become who they are. For this reason, it is a major responsibility for guardians to take into account the best parenting method that pushes children to their maximum potential, while taking into consideration their fragile mental health. The commonly used “me VS. you” parenting method is one that many guardians implement when raising children.
What is It?
The “me VS. you” method heavily relies on guardians imposing their authority on children through demanding that these children have to achieve certain actions. If children fail to achieve the guardians’ desired actions, then punishment usually follows. In this way, children have little power to decide or choose how to act, so maintaining their autonomy is discouraged in this environment. In addition to this, such an environment that uses this method usually sets up a dynamic in which unnecessary power struggles between children and their guardians is created.
In this way, children feel as though they are being fought against by their guardians, rather than standing on the same team with them. Many children who find themselves in such an environment where they are constantly forced to take orders due to fear of punishment may grow to rebel against their guardians in the future. This is why the “me VS. you” method may be deemed as a temporary solution that could be used on powerless children. However, as children naturally grow to gain autonomy as adults, the effects of this parenting method could be reversed.
Alternatives
An alternative to the “me VS. you” method is the “inviting cooperation” method. Using this method, parents may give options between desired actions that they want to be achieved for children to then choose from. For example, instead of saying “you have to go to bed now,” it would be more effective to say “should we go to bed now or read one more book together first?” Furthermore, through the “inviting cooperation” method, guardians may also present a reward to children in the process of asking for an action to be achieved. An example would be “I’ll get out your paint as soon as the playroom is cleaned up,” rather than “you have to clean up the playroom now.”
Inviting children to take part in making decisions alongside guardians implies that they are equals on the same team. Moreover, the “inviting cooperation” method works on developing children’s confidence and mental health through encouraging them to maintain their autonomy. This could remain as a powerful, long-lasting effect on children as they grow up to become leaders as adults. This is opposed to the “me VS. you” method, an impermanent solution with reversible effects, that harms children’s mental health due to the belittlement, restriction, and force that they are faced with in the decision-making process.