Trigger warning: this article discusses sexual assault.
Whether it is in day-to-day conversation or in the media, a common response to disclosures or mentions of sexual assault is a phenomenon called victim blaming. The term might be unfamiliar, but what it looks like in practice is all too familiar.
What is Victim Blaming?
Victim blaming is questioning people who experience violence – especially sexual violence – about their actions and what they could have done to prevent it – or worse, invite it. It is pointing out supposed weaknesses or differences in a person that could have made them a target. In general, it is the common tendency for people to look for the cause of violence as something the person who experienced harm did or did not do to prevent it.
Examples of Victim Blaming
Some examples of victim blaming may sound like –
- “What did you expect going out dressed like that?”
- “Why did they not fight back?”
- “You should not have gone home with them.”
- “Why did they get so drunk?”
- “Why did you wait so long to speak up about it?”
- “You must have sent mixed messages.”
The Toxic Culture of Victim Blaming
Blaming the victim makes it more difficult for that person to come forward and report the assault. On a societal level, it means fewer crimes get reported and fewer predators get prosecuted. Victim blaming also reinforces predator-like attitudes. It allows perpetrators to avoid being held accountable for their actions. Victim blaming can lead to increased and unnecessary suffering for the victims. They may experience ridicule – while at the same time watching their predators avoid punishment – instead of getting the justice they deserve. This may increase unhelpful emotions like shame and guilt as it delays their healing. It may also add to their toxic self-blame.
What is important to understand is that sexual violence is never ever the fault of the person who experiences it. Sexual violence happens because someone chooses to use harmful behaviors, not because someone is wearing a certain item of clothing, said a certain thing, or was in a certain place. If you are a survivor of sexual assault, know that what happened to you is not your fault. So, if other people blame you, or if you blame yourself, it can be helpful to get professional support.