The juxtaposition in the title, positivity and failure, is there for a reason. The intention is to closely examine a universal human experience, one that is often frowned upon, seldom discussed or even acknowledged, in a way that enhances our understanding of the bigger picture, to shift towards a solution-oriented mindset rather than succumbing to the uncomfortable emotional triggers the experience of failure brings out within a person.
A Matter of Perspective
Failing is defined as the lack of success or an inability to follow through with an intended goal. Immediately bringingconnotations of regret, sadness, and despair, it is an inherently uncomfortable experience that people take great lengths to prevent or altogether avoid. However, the important factor here is to really zero in at the core of what failure really is – an experience. By stepping back and removing any positive or negative attributional forces to the event, the person can see it as an experience that needs to be tackled, thus creating a foundation to adopt more of a problem-solving approach rather than an emotional one rooted in agony and despair. Nevertheless, this does not dismiss the very real toll this experience takes on an individual. The issue arises when the experience of “failure” is framed as the endpoint – the end of the road towards a particular goal, dream, or lifelong ambition – rather than viewing the experience for what it truly is: feedback. Each failure carries a unique opportunity for an entirely new learning experience and brings about new questions of change, innovation, and growth that need to be answered and explored.
Internal VS. External Values
This is why it is crucial for individuals to adopt the right approach when it comes to understanding failure. Studies have shown that within schools, children who display positive coping strategies in the face of failure tend to have a stronger internal sense of control. This means that their own metric of success was based on a learning goal framework based on motivation towards self-mastery and higher achievement. These children, in particular, viewed these failures as opportunities to gain information as to how they should change their strategies in order to learn better, in comparison to those children who had adopted a performance goal framework. They interpreted their failures as tied to their inadequate abilities and were susceptible to despair. The reason the two groups of children reacted so differently is due to their own approaches and methods in defining success. The child who adopted an internal framework came from the school of thought of not comparing their outcomes to their peers, attributing their progress to external factors such as outside acknowledgement and recognition or a desire to prove a sense of competence to peers or authority. This approach facilitates the environment of possessing low to average self-esteem, surface-level learning, and an internal state of paranoia in the face of failure. The studies showed that those children who were motivated by learning itself, not only by grades or others’ approval, used internal standards rather than external grades to analyze their progress and performed far better than their peers.
Avoidance Is Not the Solution
Additionally, it is important to understand that to avoid potentially negative experiences, individuals tend to distance themselves or pretend the issue does not exist or affect them. Nevertheless, avoidance feeds into the cycle of the problem itself and enhances the negative aspects of the experience of failure day by day. Therefore, it is important to understand that facing failure head-on is to engage in the intentional process of understanding that your dreams, goals, and ambitions are much larger than the current outcome and to remove that external focus on results and refocus internally and define new internal metrics of success that allow space for a solution-oriented mindset. At times those who suffer from low self-esteem can engage in the act of self-handicapping, which essentially acts as a buffer for the individual exerting minimal effort on any task they have been assigned to to reduce the chance of actually disappointing themselves if a project does not go the way planned, as the person can blame their shortcomings on poor time management, lack of resources, or more, rather than shifting the blame on themselves. Therefore, it is important to keep in mind the intent of accomplishing the goal is larger than any outcome. As long as the goal and ambition are present, there is a continuation, all driven by force larger than any single failed endeavour.