We have constantly heard of terms like “people pleaser” which are used to refer to a person that comes to the aid and meets the needs of others. Being a people pleaser is not innately toxic. However, it can potentially become toxic and detrimental to the person when they excessively prioritize the needs of others over their own. Many people, often, decide to be a people pleaser to fit in. They want to experience a semblance of belonging to a certain group and not be the outcast of that group. For instance, due to the prevalence of traditional masculine norms, a young boy would want to blend in with his male classmates by doing whatever they ask him to do even if the said activity is dangerous. Being a people pleaser for a long period of time can heavily drain the person and can take a huge toll on their mental health. Whilst it is not their fault, people pleasers can be very oblivious towards the negative impact of being an over-pleaser to people, thus it is very important to be aware of the importance of prioritizing yourself over other people. Simply not being a people pleaser can augment your well-being, sculpting a better lifestyle for you overall.
Self-Love Is the Base
Loving yourself begins with appreciating yourself. That means appreciating your triumphs, your body, your intellect, your current conditions, and your life in general. After a heavy rainfall, the trees get covered with mosses, which creates a very different façade for the trees. Likewise, because of societal pressure, a person covers themselves with a different persona, but when that same person is practicing self-love, they get rid of all their mosses, letting go of anything that deprives them of their happiness. Nonetheless, self-love refers to eventually ignoring all the voices that try to pull you down and silencing them with your future accomplishments.
You Are Your Own Advocate
No one in this entire world would entirely prioritize you as you would to yourself. You should be your own favorite person as the only one that goes through every year, week, and day with you is literally yourself. Waiting for the right person to make you supposedly happy is very futile and idealistic. Even your partner or significant other cannot bring you happiness. They are just a piece of that happiness you experience. You should not rely on any person for being content. Instead, you should try to create your own utopia. You obviously should not disregard that not everyday will be considered a utopia, since some days would seem like an eternal dystopia. Even then, you should choose you.
Self-Compassion Connects You with Your Feelings
When you constantly prioritize others over yourself, you eventually stop feeling for yourself and totally forget about your thoughts and emotions associated with the actions that you are taking. Researcher Kristin Neff has stated that there are 3 integral elements to self-compassion, which are: kindness towards ourselves, mindfulness, and a sense of common humanity. Having a kind attitude towards ourselves helps us reflect on our actions in a better manner, which influences us to fix our past mistakes. Second, mindfulness is really prominent since it makes us accept our thoughts and feelings without allowing them to have a substantial impact on us. Third, a sense of common humanity refers to acknowledging the fact that every single human being has daily struggles. This does not make us feel like we estranged from society. All these 3 elements compiled construct our self-compassion. When practicing self-compassion, we would be in touch with who we are without judging ourselves or feeling distinct from others.