The idea of the victim mentality is mentioned a lot in pop culture and casual conversations to refer to people who seem to surround themselves in negativity and force it upon others as well. This is not a formal medical term. In fact, most health professionals avoid it due to the stigma surrounding it.
People who feel trapped in a state of victimization often do express a lot of negativity, but it is important to realize that significant pain is a driving factor for this mindset.
This mentality often leads to a lack of accountability as individuals will place blame elsewhere and make excuses instead of taking responsibility for their actions.
Victimization in Relationships
One of the ways that narcissists exert their power is through playing the victim role. In relationships, these individuals play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing what they want. These kinds of situations play out every day in abusive and/or dysfunctional relationships of all kinds. Most of the time, when a manipulator portraysthemselves as a victim, they do not really see themselves as victimized. They just really want other people to see them as wounded, injured, or suffering in some way in order to gain sympathy, cloud the picture, and otherwise attempt to impression-manage the real victim.
An individual who victimizes themselves will attack whenever someone questions or criticizes their general behavior – and whoever stands up for those who question the individual are also similarly attacked in return. However, when the pressure is on the victim, they play the “poor me” card quickly in order to garner sympathy. Ultimately, when these people play the victim, it causes more difficulties for actual victims of harassment and other crimes as their plight is often belittled due to this behavior.
Playing the victim role is such an effective tactic in many cases for manipulators as well. Especially when they are confronted about their own malicious and underhanded behavior, these characters will try and turn the tables by trying to get you to see them as the injured party when in reality this is not the case. In relationships, victims have no sense of any limits. They do not know when to say that enough is enough. They have a hard time creating boundaries, both for themselves and other people in their life.
Boundaries
To begin fixing this, boundaries are crucial. What is the maximum they are willing to take in a relationship, or in any given situation? It is the responsibility of the victim to decide these boundaries for themselves. If you are a friend or loved one, you should also set boundaries with the “victim.” Decide how much of their victim behavior you are willing to put up with before you bow out. It is critical to recognize such victim mentality behavior and ensure that it does not quickly turn in to manipulation within relationships.