There seems to come a day in most of our lives where we might wish to move out of our parents’ house, live in a new city, and pursue the job of our dreams all on our own. It is the ultimate main character dream, and I personally blame Sex and the City. Reality, though, is not a walk in the park – let us be honest.
The Reality is Young, Lonely, and Broke
I have attempted to experience the “main character dream” once, and I initially completely and utterly hated every part of it.
I moved to Dubai on my own in August 2020 for a short period of time to pursue a job that I, spoiler alert, did not continue on with by the end of the year. Moving out of my parents’ house was not so much of a big shock considering the fact that I went to university on my own for three years. What shocked me, however, was the effect that living on my own without any roommates and as a working woman would have on my mental health.
When you are attending university, you are forced to interact with new people that are your age, in the same classes or societies as you, and they are all open to making new friends. When you are in a job, the difference is that no one really wants to be friends and may remain as your colleague only, unless you are lucky enough to find a team that you can tolerate enough for your personal life.
This is where it may get super lonely and super upsetting. You are living on your own in a probably very tiny apartment that you can barely afford. You are away from family, in a new city, with no friends, and it is hard. I could not leave my bed on the weekends for weeks at a time because I was so mentally drained and sad.
There is also the issue of being constantly broke since you are “trying to make it on your own” and just starting out, especially if it is in an expensive city like Dubai. It makes it more difficult to go out and discover things when the money you are making at work is being recycled into the apartment and the food that you pay for so you can afford to go to work and repeat the cycle.
Learning to Cope with Your Circumstances
Eventually, I had to force myself to seek online therapy to deal with my mental health at the time and my lovely therapist recommended some great coping mechanisms that I am going to share for anyone who is possible in a similar situation.
Learn to Love Doing Activities on Your Own – Try doing something besides sitting in front of your laptop and take yourself out for a little me-date. Go for a nice walk in the park, listen to music, and pack a cute picnic. My favorite activity to do was go to the mall and shop for four hours straight with my AirPods in and having a nice Chinese take-out dinner to wrap it all up from the food court.
Build a Routine with Your Surroundings – Try going to the same grocery store every time so you can familiarize yourself with the people around you and make it a part of your daily or weekly routine. Take a walk at the same exact time every day, and you may begin to see the same groups of people, and so on.
Keep Your Work and Home Life Separate – Do not take on the stress from your workday home as it will only intensify the pressure you are already feeling and make you fall into a worse mood than you already have. Use your time at home to actually do things that you enjoy and relax so that you do not associate it with the stressful part of your life.
30 Minutes is All You Need to Calm Yourself Down – If you feel suffocated all by yourself in your tiny apartment, immediately remove yourself from the situation and take yourself out to breathe for 30 minutes at least. Go for a couple of laps around your building, take a shower, or call your mom – whatever helps to distract you.
Make New Friends Online – As cheesy as it may sound, you really are not on your own. There are so many other young adults that are probably in the same position, yearning for comfortableness, wanting to make close friends, and feeling incredibly lonely. Go on social media applications or activity groups and start to put yourself out there so it can pay off.
You Will Eventually Move on from This
I was lucky enough to have a few friends that supported me during my time in Dubai and helped lift me up during my time there, but even with that I still experienced the extreme sense of loneliness. I had to put in the time and effort to work on building my mental health so that I can deal with that in a stronger way, and I eventually found myself missing Dubai as I left because I found a way to finally enjoy it.
Good things take time, and we are still learning as young adults every day on how to cope with the stress of life. Do not be too hard on yourself in the meantime – at least we are doing it, and we have to remember to be proud of ourselves first and foremost every single day.