Children are not born with good or bad personalities. They are raised and nurtured in a certain way that eventually reflects in their behavior towards others. When it comes to children who have been raised by toxic parents or in a toxic family, they may grow up with a distinct character or personality. There are certain behavioral traits, streaks that may or may not necessarily depict them as good or bad, that may reflect the toxic environment they have been raised in.
The Hero
The hero child is often a perfectionist. They are an overachieving individual who the family can point to as a solid example supporting the family façade of doing well. However, in reality, they live in a constant state of misery, and they carry the burden of sadness from their narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents abuse children in a bad way, whether it be physically or emotionally. As a result of this abuse, the child feels the immense pressure to outperform in order to receive the love that they yearn for. The hero child may be drawn to relationships where their significant other is emotionally unavailable and hypercritical.
The Lost Child or Dreamer
The lost child hides and isolates in their room. Using things such as reading, writing, drawing, and creating their own world in order to disconnect from the never-ending chaos in the family. They get so used to the loneliness that it becomes their “normal”, while connecting with others becomes a big deal and difficult for them. This early self-isolation becomes a big shock to them later on during adulthood and prevents them from forming and sustaining deep and emotional connections with others. As an adult, the lost child may struggle greatly with friendships and romantic relationships.
The Mascot or Class Clown
The mascot child act as a peacemaker in the family and in other places as well. They lighten the stressful environment by cracking jokes and being goofy. Whenever the tension escalates in the family, they attempt to diffuse it by replacing the anger, stress, and conflict with humor and fun. They appear jolly and cheerful to the outside world. However, deep down, they struggle tremendously with immense pain, anxiety, and depression.
The Scapegoat
Narcissistic parents do not ever take responsibility for their behavior. The function of a scapegoat is to carry the “sins and shame” for the entire family. By doing so, the family can point at the “scapegoat” and say, “see, we are all perfect except for that one over there.” The scapegoat child is often the child that toxic parents are the most ashamed of and because of this, the child often feels rejected, unlovable, and isolated.
The Caretaker
The caretaker or martyr child attempts to keep everyone happy. Therefore, in order to avoid conflict, they tend to support the dysfunctional behavior of the family. The caretaker child feels like they have to keep the family going in any sort of way possible. Therefore, they take over all the responsibilities and problems of their narcissistic parents. Furthermore, they encourage other family members to not enforce negative consequences onto the narcissistic parents for their abusive behavior.
A toxic parent or family may not find themselves at fault, but somehow, over time, it would have a serious impact on the mind of a child.