Toxic relationships can often go by for long period of time completely unnoticed until, one day, you are just standing there completely emotionally drained and beating yourself up for not being aware of all the early red flags. When it comes to friend groups, taking the step to stand up for yourself and distancing yourself can be extremely intimidating. It is not uncommon to fear that you may be “bullied” for making that decision. Down the line, however, the decision to rid yourself of all the negative energy can become the best decision you have ever made and may prevent you from feeling any worse than you already do now.
Here are some of the signs that you may be in a toxic friendship group –
- You always feel bad about yourself.
Healthy friendships stem from love, support, and encouragement to one another and not from judgement and humiliation. Negative criticism that comes from these types of friend groups do not always have to come as straightforward comments and are not always done directly towards you. It can often be done via “back-handed compliments”, gossiping behind your back, laughing at your appearance, etc. In these cases, you have to follow your intuition and gut instinct that will tell you if you are always feeling bad about yourself around a specific person or group.
- You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.
Having a personal opinion can sound like a personal attack to a toxic friend group, so it forces you to always stay silent in order to not disturb their “peace”. If you always feel like you have to make everyone constantly happy so that they would not turn negatively against you, this can be a huge red flag that indicates that these “friends” are, in fact, very toxic people. Friends should be comfortable enough to understand the boundaries of one another while also feeling like they are free to share their opinions and speak their mind during conversations.
- You are always taking the blame when something goes wrong.
Have you ever had a group reservation at a restaurant go completely wrong and the whole night ends up going wrong as a result? In a healthy friendship situation, while everyone might be a little annoyed, no one is going to be “attacked” since it was out of their circumstances and the situation can be laughed off. On the other hand, a toxic friend group will often immediately start pointing fingers and pushing the blame onto someone else and make them take all the responsibility. If you feel like you are constantly being the one who gets blamed when things do not go right, whether it is your fault or not, it may be time to look into trying to distance yourself from these types of people.
- You are being pressured to participate in things that you are uncomfortable with.
Friends should have open conversations with one another and completely understand the boundaries of one another, making sure to take the precautions in order not to cross them. A good friend will never pressure you to go out of your comfort zone and be forced to participate in activities or do things that you are uncomfortable with.
- You are being taken advantage of.
There is only one too many times where you end up paying for dinners; spending huge allowances on birthday parties; and putting in twice as much time, money, and energy than anyone else before realizing that you are being taken advantage of. Make a mental note of all the times that you felt as though the requests of your “friends” were too out-of-the-ordinary and learn to have boundaries between yourself and them.
- You constantly feel like you are in a competition.
If you have just received news that you have gained an amazing opportunity in your life, your friends should be there to celebrate you and be happy for you even if they are not going through the same thing. When you express these events to someone, a big red flag is if you are immediately met with a jealous tone and negative energy instead of a warm reaction. Your friend group is not a place for competition.
How to Deal with It
Taking yourself out of the situation may be difficult, but here are some ways to go about it –
- Talk to family and friends outside your current friend group.
If you feel as though you do not trust your point of view on the situation enough to make any decisions, speak to friends and family outside the group to get a “reality check” from them. Let them have an opinion on the situation since it will be an external point of view. It can even help validate your current feelings.
- Start building a support circle that can have your back.
If you are scared to end the friendship group because you would end up all alone, spend some time building a support system on the outside beforehand. Try to meet people online that are going through similar situations, attend support groups that may touch on this subject, and even consider speaking to a professional about the effect that the situation has had on your mental health so far.
- Once you are ready to cut them off, be straightforward and direct.
Write it down somewhere on your phone, on your hand, or even use flashcards to memorize what you have to say – anything that will guarantee that there will be no “following up” from their side once you decide to end things. Keep it plain and simple. Tell them why they have hurt you and why you want to end things and if you are willing to keep contact or not in the aftermath.
- Allow yourself time to grieve and understand the loss of these friendships.
Despite the fact that getting rid of toxic friends is a positive step forward, it does not mean that you may not feel as though you have lost someone important. The good times and memories do not automatically disappear once you have decided to cut someone off, so make sure that you give yourself enough time to grieve and get over the situation and be very understanding of your own feelings.