For those who are in relationships, have you ever stared over at your significant other and pondered, “what if you are not the one for me?” These fleeting moments of doubt about the relationship you are in are completely normal experiences. But, if you are consumed by the feelings of uncertainty and anxiety, and these feelings are recurrent and persistent, you may have relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder.
What is Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD) is a subset of OCD in which its sufferers are completely consumed with doubts and anxiety over their relationship. While everyone experiences uncertainty and apprehensions about their partner, those with ROCD often question the love they have for their partner, their level of attraction towards them, their compatibility, and their partner’s love for them. These experiences for those who suffer from ROCD may be unreasonable, unsubstantiated, and detrimental for their day-to-day life. This form of OCD frequently leads to severe personal and relationship misery and suffering. Consequently, this damages and weakens their effectiveness in functioning in other areas of their life such as work, study, or maintaining family relationships.
Signs & Symptoms
People presenting ROCD often notice their symptoms in their early adulthood, and thus these symptoms have an effect on most of their later relationships. Some people may trace their ROCD symptoms back to the first time they ever made romantic decisions, such as getting married or having children, while others experience those symptoms outside of a romantic relationship, such as obsessing over the past and past decisions. Some common compulsions in relationship OCD are:
- Mental rituals: People with ROCD spend hours upon hours monitoring their feelings and thoughts toward the relationship. These behaviors are tremendously counterproductive and will not ease relationships doubts, but rather intensify them.
- Seeking reassurance: A common indicator of ROCD is compulsively consulting with others about your relationship and sometimes can take the form of incessantly seeking reassurance that your partner loves you.
- Making comparisons: Compulsively comparing your relationship with other people’s relationships – from families and friends to fictional characters on TV or in books – is another common indicator of ROCD.
- Creating rules for your partner: People suffering from ROCD often create these “perfect” rules for their partner that they think proves their partner’s love for them. When these rules are not upheld, they think that the relationship is not worth it.
How to Deal with Relationship OCD
If you feel yourself experiencing intrusive and compulsive thoughts and feelings about your relationship and you want to treat it, it is essential that you rebuild your internal structure. What this means is that you work on establishing your own personal values and judgements. You should also take your own life decisions, whether they may be regarding your job or what you do in your free time, without consulting others about these decisions. You should also be working towards integrating passion within your personal life and work by discovering what you like and incorporating it into your daily life. When you reach your center and acquire your own judgment and values, the decision to stay with your partner or not becomes a lot easier.
Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a real diagnosis that many might suffer from, but not know because their intrusive thoughts are played down and invalidated. We must raise awareness about this mental disorder and treat it like any other in order to help people prosper in their individual relationships, as well as their romantic relationships.