Trigger warning: this article discusses mental illness and may be triggering.
Mental illness is very difficult on any type of relationship. The stress it causes can often reach a crisis level. You may fall into a pattern where managing the illness becomes what the relationship is centered on. However, despite the obvious challenges, you can always find ways to maintain a healthy relationship when your partner has a mental illness.
Mental Illness in Relationships
The impact of mental illness on a couple’s relationship has often been an overlooked dynamic in both the public media and academic journals. Traditionally, people have examined and written about how an individual’s mental illness affects their parents or, conversely, how a parent’s mental illness affects the child. However, it has been known for a long time by those working in the field with couples that individuals who have a mental illness can have a negative impact on their spouse’s mental health, and vice versa. At times, both partners in a relationship can be struggling with symptoms that have developed as a result of the original illness in one of the partners. In fact, research on psychiatric illness in the couples’ relationship has found a positive correlation between one partner having a mental illness and the other partner also suffering from a mental illness.
How Mental Illness Affects Relationships if Left Untreated
There may be no relationship more affected by mental illness than the intimate relationship between partners. The good news is that it is possible to be in a healthy, loving, and long-term partnership with someone who has a mental illness. Some consequences of not treating mental illness in a relationship include –
- Shame, guilt, and resentment – Having a mental illness is hard enough, but the stigma associated with mental health conditions can add an extra layer of stress for both partners. The person with a mental illness may feel shame or guilt about their condition. They may try to hide their symptoms or fail to seek the help they need. Meanwhile, their partner may feel confused or frustrated by their inability to help.
- The risk of codependent behaviors – Codependency is an unhealthy relationship pattern that manifests as one partner enables another person’s poor mental health, addiction, and/or coping strategies. The partner of a person with mental illness may start to derive their self-worth from the degree to which they are “needed” or how much they are able to “take care of” their loved one. In extreme cases, codependency can increase the risk of abusive behaviors, including manipulation, name-calling, and other unhealthy dynamics.
Tips for Coping When Your Partner Has a Mental Illness
If you are in a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness, give these tips a try –
- Show support and sympathy because the uncertainty and stigma associated with mental illness can cause the sufferer to worry that you may not love or desire them anymore.
- Educate yourself because there is a lot of misinformation about the causes and best treatment options for different mental health disorders.
- Do not become a “therapist” because, beyond educating yourself on how to help your partner, it is not your duty nor responsibility to act as their therapist. This will not work in the long term for either of you or for the rest of your family.
Successful couples do not allow mental illness to destroy their marriage or relationship but instead view this circumstance as a challenge to be managed and overcome. Both partners must be responsible for themselves and have a healthy response and reaction to unexpected or problematic situations in order to thrive.