Do you tend to take things personally, even when they are not in fact? This trigger happens when something has hit a nerve in you. You may be projecting your own insecurities and doubts on others, as well as expecting people to disagree with what you do not like about yourself. You expect others to doubt your ability and do things that intimidate you – expect others to reject you and reject what you see in you.
On the other hand, here is an example. If you are feeling inadequate because you are the only one who has pink hair, you may judge yourself and expect the same judgment from others. However, people might not even care if your hair is pink or not. Furthermore, if you decide to speak up and voice your opinion about how pink hair is the only hair color that is pretty and others do not agree with you because they do not have pink hair, there is a very high possibility that they did not agree due to personal reasonings and opinions, which should not be taken personally in this case.
Here is another example. If you feel like your hard work and effort is not enough when someone points out something that is not relevant, you will probably start to think that they are blaming you for not putting in that extra effort, when you did your job exactly how it should be done. You tend to attach yourself to what people say and do. You begin to see what has not been done and what you could have done instead of appreciating your own work as it is.
How Do You Stop?
Those who take things personally seem to only lash out when their insecurity is triggered. By reducing this act, you must start by reducing your insecurities. This may seem tough as insecurities come in all shapes and sizes. However, begin journeying within what makes you insecure and what your insecurity is and understand where, how, and what it comes from. Insecurities can be triggered during early stages of our childhoods – can be a sign of childhood trauma or any trauma that made you feel shameful about yourself. Figure out your own techniques to appreciate yourself and begin your self-love journey.
Tips To Reduce Taking Things Personally
- Set clear standards for yourself. Start by meeting your own standards. Keep account of your effort. This will avoid you feeling like you are not enough. You will begin to realize what is enough, when it is enough, and other commentary will no longer be a trigger for you.
- Develop a sense of self-compassion. Once you have set those standards and have met them, accept yourself for doing and trying your hardest. Accept that you are doing your best and are not ashamed of the outcome. Accept the fact that you cannot be “perfect” all the time and give yourself more credit for meeting your own standards and not what others expect of you. Give more attention to the right things you are doing, rather than doubting yourself all the time.
- Facing your fears and keep moving forward. Do not allow your fears to control you, especially if you have been avoiding something that makes you uncomfortable, this will only feed your insecurities and make it even harder for you to get out of your comfort zone. The only way to get over fear is to allow yourself to face what scares you without any regret. Take one step at a time and build new skills and expand your self to other situations.
- Remember not to make things about you during a challenging situation. Expand your views and perspective on the situation. Look at it from someone else’s point of view and ask yourself, “how could I benefit from this problem?” or “is this problem worth me feeling triggered?” Remember, if the situation seems much larger and problematic in your mind, truth is, it probably is not as big as you are thinking it to be.
Do not be afraid to ask people what they mean. When appropriate, just ask those around you that triggered you. Do not jump to conclusions and make assumptions over things that are much smaller than they are in your mind. This will only increase conflict and will allow others to misunderstand the situation. When you are feeling doubtful or unsure as to why something was said, simply ask, “what did you mean by this?” This will allow the person to explain themselves without any emotional trigger reaction.