In our day-to-day lives, many of us struggle to say no, with the fear of rejection and the uncertainty of what others would respond with. People-pleasing is often built during our childhood years and roots down to the way we were raised. Not having received enough attention as a young child causes this crave to constantly want to please everyone around you and wanting constant approval and praise.
What is the first thing you say when you get asked a favor? Think about it, do you instantly say no when you know you might not be capable enough to do it? Do you give excuses? Or, do you just say yes and take the consequences that come with promising getting the task done?
Saying an immediate yes to favors, chores, or whatever may be the case eases your way out of arguable situations with others. We tend to have a natural ability to relentlessly please the ones around us or the ones we work with. This, however, does not have to apply to every single person, but to the individuals who really do not know how to say no when needed, this takes a toll on their mental health and affects their own personal life.
As human beings, we get so used to just saying yes, even when we do not even know what we want ourselves in the first place. If you are packing your life dealing with other people’s requests to the point that you cannot even have time for yourself, that is something that will definitely affect your mental health, regardless if you feel that they are simple, quick tasks to do. This indicates that it is time to make a change in your life.
Tips for Saying No Effectively
Just say it – it is easier said (in your head) than out loud. But, just say it. Do not stall and offer unexplainable excuses. This will only provide the other person to adjust around whatever excuses you give. If needed, give a simple explanation, otherwise you are not compelled to. The less words being exchanged, the better.
Be assertive – you might give in excuses such as “sorry, I am not able to right now, but I will let you know.” This is a polite yet assertive way to approach a situation you do not want to be in. It puts you in a position allowing you to change the dynamic. You are in charge, telling people that you will let them know when and if you are able to. In addition, you could also approach the situation by allowing the person to feel as though you are appreciative of their request, along the lines of saying “I appreciate you coming to me for help, but I have too much on my plate right now and I will not be able to deliver the quality you are asking from me.”
Understanding people – many organizations and people use manipulative tactics, knowingly or not. People may use the tactic of guilt-tripping you into doing a favor or going out with them. However, you are not compelled to follow through and be under social pressure if you do not feel like it or you do not have the time. Excuse yourself in an honest manner without giving any random excuses. For example, “I do not really feel like doing anything tonight, I want to give my self some alone time.” This is straight to the point and does not allow the other to make you feel bad for it.
Boundaries – people tend to have a difficult time saying no since they have not taken the time to reflect their understanding and role in their relationship. When you have a true understanding of the dynamic of the relationship and the role you have set for yourself, you will not feel worried about the consequences of allowing yourself to say no. You will begin to realize that your relationship is healthy enough to withstand saying no.
Question back the person asking – this is a tactic used in a work situation and is often highly effective. If someone is asking you to take on many different tasks – more than you are capable of – you might say something along the lines of “I am more than happy to help you with these tasks, although, I would need some time to complete them rather than a day or two so I can be able to focus on them and deliver you quality work, however, how would you like me to approach them?” This gives the person a chance to let you know how they would like the work to be executed, rather than the work just piling on top of your back. This would help you distribute the work accordingly at your own pace without any pressure. Although you are not saying no, you are still implying to the person that you will work on them on your own pace.
Firm up – if someone does not accept it when you say no, then you should know by now that the person is most probably not a true friend and does not respect your boundaries. Firm up and do not feel pressured to give in your thoughts just because that person is feeling uncomfortable.
Be selfish – allow yourself to put your needs first, not to the ones asking you to do something. Do not prioritize people’s needs over yours. Your productivity and motivation will suffer, leaving you with resentment. Do not be afraid to say nowhen you want to say no.