For some, a move may be the only option, and, for others, it may be a choice. Either way, this is a heavy topic but also a situation many of us will most likely experience at some point in our lives. I have personally been reading articles on this topic a lot lately as I am in the process of leaving behind my family, friends, and home to move many oceans away. I have tried to condense my readings into two stages of emotional experience a person may encounter when leaving their home. The first is the anxiety one may experience separating from the only life they have known, and the second is the craving one has for that old life, otherwise dubbed as separation anxiety and homesickness.
Separation Anxiety
No one can prepare you for the moment where all your belongings are packed, and you have to say goodbye to a house that contains all your memories. This experience can be anxiety-inducing and adds stress to what is already a daunting task. In fact, the top three most stressful life events are the death of a loved one, divorce, and moving. However, this might prove to be beneficial in some ways – moderate amounts of anxiety can serve as a protective mechanism and can be a powerful motivator, which will help you with the strenuous task of moving and aid you in making sure that you tick all the boxes on your to-do lists.
Undoubtedly, on the other hand, sometimes our anxiety becomes overwhelming, making it difficult to find the benefits. Psychotherapist Merryl Gee suggests other things you can do to help reduce and counter it if it gets to that point –
- Resolve family stressors – If possible, try not to leave home on bad terms with your family.
- Make plans for a visit back home – Whether you are moving continents or a few streets down, try to maintain contact with your family and/or friends. Keep the lines of communication open, set up a time to video call, a Sunday family dinner, or a trip home for a long weekend.
- Make a list of your concerns – Sometimes, writing things down makes them feel more manageable. You can try to list your concerns and address them one by one – and even reach out to someone close to help you with this.
Homesickness
The second stage of emotional processing occurs when you have finally moved out and are settling into your new environment. This phase will probably be a mix of many emotions – nervousness, excitement, sadness, and yearning. Psychotherapist Ali Moore says that “feelings change very quickly. There is the initial excitement and nervousness about leaving and starting something new, followed by finding your feet and settling into a routine. So, do not worry too much in those early weeks if everything is up in the air – this is really normal.” It may be helpful to remind yourself during this time that feelings do pass.
Some other things you may do to help mitigate feelings of homesickness would be –
- Make the unfamiliar familiar – As opposed to feeling daunted by your new environment, look at it as a fresh start and dive in headfirst.
- Join clubs and societies – If you are moving away for university or for work, it may be possible to seek out and join clubs focused on your interests. It will help you meet likeminded individuals and help make the unfamiliar feel more like home.
- Use nostalgia to your advantage – Nostalgia is not just about the past. It is also about the future, according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Do not consider the past something that your present or future cannot live up to. Instead, look at the most positive aspects of what you have left behind and figure out ways to recreate them in your new context.
- Stay healthy – Exercise can help alleviate both short and long term depression and anxiety, in turn helping you feel better during a transitional period. As an added benefit, it is easy to take exercise out of the house and combine it with other things that help alleviate homesickness, such as meeting new people and getting outside.
- Do not be afraid to ask for help – When all is said and done, these tips might look good in a magazine but may not help you deal with the complex feelings you are experiencing. If things get too difficult, do not be afraid to reach out to a mental health professional.
A Final Note
Admittedly, through all of my readings, I have found nothing remotely comforting as of yet that has actually made me feel less anxious about leaving home. Of course, while you may be happy and excited to start your independent life, at the same time, letting go of the comforts you are used to can be very difficult. The purpose of this article was to collate a few tips and tricks that I thought may be helpful, especially after the move is complete. However, most of all, the aim of this article was to convey that although you may be scared and unable to find immediate comfort, there is some comfort knowing that many of us tend to experience this at some point in our lives. Chances are, you will find many people around you in the place that you are moving to experiencing something similar. Hence, although it may be scary, it need not be a lonely journey.