“Everyone has a mind that ‘talks’ to them. We think of this as our verbal mind or our ‘advisor’. It is the part of you that is linked to your language brain, whose function is to serve as your threat detector.” – Lisa W. Coyne, PhD.
How We Experience the Critical Voice in Our Head
People “do not hear voices, per se,” Coyne explained. “But we do notice critical thoughts popping up as we go through our days.” She stated that “we have evolved to experience our thoughts as literal truths. It is what allows us to learn indirectly by listening to what other people say, rather than only directly through our own experience.” In addition, “having a critical, threat-detecting mind is not the problem,” Coyne asserted. “Rather, it is our response to that critical mind that can trap us.”
Defusing Negative Thoughts
A distancing strategy is to separate a recurring negative thought from its meaning. Ultimately, it is what the thought means that is affecting you. One way to do this is an approach developed in cognitive behavioral therapy called cognitive defusion, literally to “un-fuse” the meaning of the thought from the words. If you have ever repeated a word over and over again until it sounded funny, you were experiencing cognitive defusion. When a negative thought plays in your mind, you might try saying it out loud and repeating it over and over (even if it feels awkward at first), until the words begin to sound funny or ridiculous. You might also sing the thought. Writing your negative thought on paper can also help. Just getting it out of your head can sometimes give you enough distance to recognize how untrue or unhelpful it really is.
Meditating
Meditating regularly can help you develop the ability to distance yourself from your thinking in everyday life. If you are a beginner and need some guidance on how to get started meditating, check out this two-minute video. Once you know how to meditate, prioritize your practice. Many people find that setting 15 to 20 minutes aside for meditation every morning can help ground them before facing the day. Particularly if you are experiencing recurrent negative thoughts, maintaining a regular mediation practice will be key. If you miss a day or two, do not worry! Just get yourself back on track.
Negative thoughts are a very normal part of our mental lives as human beings. Yet, when your conscious awareness lands on a thought that does not feel good, you can decide how to process it and what to do about it. This power is always yours. When you use this power, negative thinking is no longer the enemy of happiness. It becomes a tool to inform you and help you gain more intention over the way you live your life.