Gaslighting is a very crafty act that abusers usually utilize for their own sake. By definition, it is a form of manipulation where the manipulator “presents a false narrative”, rendering the manipulated person or group of people to question their own reality. When you are being gaslit, you would probably rethink your own beliefs, ideologies, or outlook on a certain situation, which may lead you to second-guess many things. Thus, you may even think that you are insane. Gaslighting can take a heavy toll on your mental wellbeing, self-esteem, and your own judgement of yourself since it can sabotage your own reality. A gaslighter uses many tactics to manipulate their victim such as uncontrollably lying, blatantly denying wrongdoing, constantly shifting the blame, or continuously trivializing your feelings. The following list outlines a list of actions you can take to deal with being gaslit.
Recognizing the Problem
Being aware of the fact that you are being gaslit can be easier said than done. A person that is assertive and has a different opinion is not necessarily gaslighting you, so you must be able to differentiate true gaslighting from unproblematic quarrels you have with those around you. When a person attempts to gaslight you, you may experience emotions such as wrath, confusion, and uncertainty, which are palpable symptoms of a person who is being gaslit. Nonetheless, common phrases gaslighters use are “you are making this up” or “you are so dramatic”.
Setting Boundaries
When you set boundaries in a relationship, you let the other person know whether the actions that they are committing are acceptable or not. This step can be a very crucial step that can make the gaslighter acknowledge that they are doing you wrong and that the manipulation should completely halt. Setting boundaries will also make the gaslighter know that such actions are not allowed as you they make you question your reality.
Look for an External Perspective
The goal of a gaslighter is probably to make you feel very estranged from society and psychologically vulnerable. Thus, in order to refute that, it is very important to tell the people that you confide in about their actions, for they might be able to point their erroneous actions out before you. Furthermore, sharing the story with others would potentially reduce your vulnerability and bolster your confidence in your own truth.
Compiling Evidence
This is obviously not some sort of a crime scene where you need concrete evidence to convict someone. However, documenting the actions of the gaslighter can help you stay posted on what is really happening. Pieces of evidence include any screenshots of conversations you have had on text, noteworthy in-person conversations that you can record, or even any relevant photos. Not only can you record your conversation, but you can also note the time of the conversation that occurred on a certain date.
Do Not Try to Outsmart the Gaslighter
The gaslighter will always find a way to slyly twist the truth and fabricate it into fitting their own narrative, so it would generally be useless if you try to confront them, even with the evidence that you have collected. It would be better if you try to avoid them as much as possible to avoid affecting your own mental wellbeing negatively.
Ending the Relationship
If you feel like the relationship is extremely detrimental to your wellbeing, then it is best if you end it. Having a gaslighter as your partner or friend that constantly makes you question your own reality will make you regress instead of progress.