Gaslighting has been a therapeutic buzzword swarming social media platforms for quite some time. The attention that this term has been receiving has been helpful in allowing people to recognize and name specific dysfunctions that are occurring in their relationships, and it has empowered many to stand firm in their unique truths. However, despite the awareness and understanding of the term, it may still be difficult for many to navigate interactions when they are on the receiving end of being gaslit.
Recognizing Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychologically manipulative tactic to get a person or group of people to doubt their reality and memory. The term stems from the title of a 1938 British play called Gas Light, in which a husband repeatedly changes and alters the home environment and denies doing so when questioned by his wife about the changes. He repeatedly informs her that she is remembering things incorrectly and denying her reality, though he is intentionally changing their environment. Here is where the term comes in: He dims the gaslights in their home while also doing things like making noises around the home, and when confronted by his wife about the noises and change in lighting, he continues to state that the lighting is the same and that he has not heard a thing, sewing seeds of doubt in her perception and reality.
What To Say When Someone is Gaslighting You
Once you start to hear the go-to gaslighting phrases coming up in the conversation, some go-to statements you can incorporate include –
- “My feelings and reality are valid. I do not appreciate you telling me that I am being too sensitive.”
- “Do not tell me how to feel; this is how I feel.”
- “I am allowed to explore these topics and conversations with you. Do not tell me I am being dramatic.”
- “I know what I saw.”
- “I will not continue this conversation if you continue to minimize what I am feeling.”
It can be very disorienting to have a conversation with a gaslighting person because it knocks you off your center and changes the path of the discussion to something that now blames you and your feelings for “blowing things out of proportion” when you are just sharing your feelings. Standing firm in your truth and leaning into your support system can help ground you back into reality.