Building and maintaining a strong relationship is a challenge for anyone. However, having ADHD can pose different sets of challenges. Understanding the effects of adult ADHD on relationships can help prevent broken relationships.
Symptoms of Adult ADHD that Interfere with Relationships
Adult ADHD can be tricky because symptoms vary from person-to-person. These specific symptoms can impact how you relate to your partner.
- Trouble paying attention – If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued.
- Forgetfulness – Even when someone with ADHD is paying attention, they may later forget what was promised or discussed. Your partner may start to feel like you do not care or that you are unreliable.
- Poor organizational skills – This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks as well as general household chaos. Partners may feel like they are always cleaning up after the person with ADHD and shouldering a disproportionate amount of the duties.
- Impulsivity – If you have ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings. This impulsivity can also lead to irresponsible and even reckless behavior.
- Emotional outbursts – Many people with ADHD have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily and have trouble discussing issues calmly. Your partner may feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.
How the Partner with ADHD Feels
We have talked about how symptoms of ADHD can affect the partner dealing with it, but the partner who has ADHD itself suffers as well. The partner with ADHD often feels
- Different – The brain is often racing, and people with ADHD experience the world in a way that others do not easily understand or relate to.
- Overwhelmed – Secretly or overtly, they may feel overwhelmed by the constant stress caused by ADHD symptoms. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize. Even if it is not always apparent, ADHD can make someone feel like they are struggling to keep their head above water.
- Unloved and unwanted – Constant reminders from spouses, bosses, and others that they should “change” reinforce that they are unloved as they are.
- Longing to be accepted – One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections.
Tips for Improving Communication
When couples work to improve communication skills, they can restore balance to the relationship. Try these strategies to communicate effectively with your partner.
- Use “I feel” statements to focus on feelings and avoid blame
- Communicate face-to-face as often as possible
- Repeat and rephrase. To avoid allowing your mind to wander, repeat what your partner says and rephrase for clarification
- Ask questions
- Talk about how your symptoms impair your ability to remember things or follow through on tasks. Sharing your struggles helps your partner understand how ADHD impacts your behavior
- Focus on teamwork. To create balance in a relationship, two partners have to work together. Having ADHD does not mean that you cannot find balance. It means that you have to rely on open and honest communication and feedback to find ways to help one another