Many people know what the word “boundaries” means, but they have no idea what they really are. You might think of boundaries as something like a solid line used to keep people at length. However, boundaries are not rigid lines drawn in the sand that are clear for all to see. Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. When you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avoid the feelings of disappointment and anger that build up when your personal limits are tested.
Frequently, people are not necessarily trying to violate your limits or boundaries, instead they just are not aware of what they are. This may be because we are not being clear with ourselves regarding our needs. So, what are some of the healthy boundaries we can maintain?
- Look After Yourself
Make sure that you are looking after yourself and giving self-care the priority it deserves. Looking after yourself means putting yourself first, not undermining your self-esteem, and treating yourself with respect. It also means being able to look at the processes you are going through in a positive light. Setting new boundaries is not easy, especially when relating to the people we love and care for the most. Accepting these new changes can be tough.
- Focus on Your Feelings
How you feel about something is a reliable indicator of what you want, what makes you happy, and how you see yourself. Use these feelings when setting your boundaries. Do not accept a boundary that leaves you feeling unhappy or disappointed. Reflecting on how you feel may sound like basic stuff. However, so many people are out of sync with their emotions and ignore them while “trying to do the right thing”. This is evident when peer pressure is involved as well.
- Learn How to Say No
While it may be difficult or daunting, it is very acceptable to say no. We often tend to overcommit ourselves in some situations without considering the option of saying no. This turns into a problem when you start to put your feelings on the backburner without consideration. Once you start saying no, you will begin to see such a big difference in your life, especially with how much more people respect you.
Making yourself and your boundaries a priority might require time, effort, and self-awareness. It is much more difficult to be confident and forceful enough to carry them through. Setting appropriate limits, on the other hand, allows us to not only enhance our self-esteem and feeling of self-worth, but also to form positive connections with others.