Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition that causes emotions and impulsive behaviors to intensify. Those diagnosed with BPD may lash out as their symptoms are directed outwards – symptoms that people can see and notice. However, several of those diagnosed with BPD experience it inwards and do not exert their emotions outwards. In this case, this is called Quiet BPD.
What Is Quiet BPD?
Quiet BPD is not a clinical diagnosis, but a subtype of BPD also known as the “discouraged subtype”. Those with Quiet BPD may not have an understanding of their symptoms before their diagnoses. Therefore, they tend to keep to themselves and not allow others to have an inside perspective on their feelings. It is difficult to spot someone with this subtype as they tend to direct their moods and behaviors inwards and so often. Also, they may tend to have difficulties in building a new relationship due to fear of abandonment.
Why Is Quiet BPD Different?
Because quiet BPD is an internal issue, those struggling with it tend to be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all. Common misdiagnosis like this leads you to feel unheard and unable to explain how or what you feel. It is a really complex diagnosis that can show up as other disorders, often misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder in many cases,
Characteristics Of Quiet BPD
Those being affected silently may have low self-esteem and most often feel anger towards themselves. Furthermore, depressive episodes and anxiety may occur, alongside a possible history with having suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts and behaviors, or self-harm. With Quiet BPD, you feel as though you need to “please” the people around you due to the fear of abandonment, which tends to make you do something or push your feelings aside in order to compromise to others. As a result, this leads to feelings of guilt and shame towards yourself. This may also lead to engagement in self destructive behaviors such as substance abuse and self-harm. Those with any type of BPD have the same experiences with internal emotional turmoil and those with Quiet BPD have perfected masking their pain, which makes them appear as cold and distant.
Some common characteristics include –
- Unhealthy boundaries
- Obsessive tendencies towards a specific person
- Feeling overwhelmed, self-isolation, and avoidance as a form of self-protection
- Self-destructive tendencies such as drug and alcohol abuse
- Anger
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Self-deprecation such as aggression and harsh internal criticism
- Having poor self-image and a rapidly changing self-image
- Intensified feelings of rejection
- Mood swings that last days
- Taking small things personally
- Having trouble reading people
- Intrusive thoughts
- Fear of abandonment or being alone
- Uncontrollable emotions
- Feelings of emptiness
- Feelings of derealization
- Social anxiety and or generalized anxiety
- Suppressing emotions
- Feelings of being in a hyper-vigilance state
Causes Of Quiet BPD
Causes of Quiet BPD are similar to the causes of typical BPD. Some potential causes of this subtype are genetic susceptibility; experiencing abuse, neglect, and abandonment trauma from early childhood; or having had a history with other mental disorders such as an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and addiction. However, there are no specified causing links that would result in Quiet BPD. It is most likely that personality influences the way the disorder manifests in terms of having those characteristics exposed or experiencing it internalized.
Coping With Quiet BPD
There are many ways to cope. However, due to the high functioning instability, you may find it difficult to cope as you may experience relapses in bad behavioral patterns. Nonetheless, it is not impossible. Learning and understanding your emotions can make it easier for you to cope when you are self-aware of these symptoms.
It is very challenging when you feel the need to appear “normal” on the outside when you have a rollercoaster of trauma inside of you bringing you down. It is not an easy conversation to have with anyone that does not understand such disorders. You may feel confused and hurt by those who just do not get it. Yet, no matter the situation, you can always find ways that suit your lifestyle to be able to cope.
Besides therapy, here are some recommendations –
- Confide in someone you trust
- Adopting a healthy diet and a regular sleeping pattern
- Avoid going to places where substances such as drugs and alcohol are involved
- Surround yourself with the right crowd
- Journal your thoughts
- Use positive affirmations
- Indulge in activities that are self-soothing
Helping Someone with Quiet BPD
If you recognized someone in your life struggling with such problems, here is what you can do to understand more and be able to support –
- Be sympathetic and listen
- Ask questions
- Validate their feelings when they are confiding in you
- Set healthy boundaries
- Help them find habits and hobbies that suit them
- Encourage them to adopt a healthy lifestyle
- Celebrate their small steps
- Take care of yourself first and foremost